Perhaps I am a Fool

I was walking in the downtown about to enter a shop to get some water when an older woman came up to me and started to spew the word ‘milk’ over and over again. 

She assured me, “no money, milk, baby.” 

This was different. I am used to people coming up to me begging for money, not milk. At this point I’m full of curiosity and a twinge of pity. She takes me into the shop and points to baby formula. The price is $20 USD! 

“I am sorry that is too expensive I tell her.”


Then she points at a $5 box. 

I pause in time for a second. 

I observe myself and this woman. 

I was so mad.


She has come in here and pressured me, guilted me, destroyed my peace on this day so I would feel bad enough to buy her some formula that she is probably going to use in her tea to sell because it would be free if I buy it! 

She was nervous, kept looking out the window and back to me and back to the formula.

Then I took a breath. 

My anger dissipated and I thought, or maybe she is struggling with a kid somewhere. Maybe she needs this formula. A 
voice came to me, “It doesn’t matter what you do, but whatever you do, don’t judge the person.” My last thought was, 
“Who do you want to be?”

Well, here I am in the middle of Nepal, working with children who have been assaulted, and abused. 
I spend my time connecting with them, buying them food, planning for activities with them, and asking others for money to support the kids. 

I am the same as this woman. And I have been shut down so many times and have been unable to get people to invest in these children. Though I know the need and If only I could show them I know they'd invest their funds and hopes.
She spends hours trying to get someone to believe her and help her get the formula she needs for her baby. I was about to walk away, when I decided, 

“No! I want to give! . . . at least what I can. That is as much as I ask of others. 
Perhaps yes, $20 right now is a large chunk of my own funds, but I have $5.”


I picked up the formula purchased it and in the entrance of the store I gave it to her and bowed with a Namaste. 
She bowed, said, “May God bless you,” turned, and left. 

Perhaps this was unwise, maybe I was foolish, maybe she just scammed me and ran, but maybe not. 
I would rather have a giving heart to the occasional scammer too, than be closed to the frequent people in need. 
So a fool I am, and a fool I’ll remain if it means I’ll be ready to give when the time is presented to me.