Hope & Fatalism

I have travelled to a few different places around the world and had the privilege and opportunity to speak with natives about their sentiments concerning their country. 

Every government has its mountain of failures, briefcase of secrets, and skeletons in the closet. There is a lot to criticize and change. 

It is frustrating to hear out of someone's mouth that they have lost hope in their country. As globalization increases and we experience the ugliness of terrorism and the sorrow of human rights issues, countries are learning that they must begin to adapt. States cannot exist independently of each other anymore. Internal issues affect external issues and visa versa. Every person must be an active member in their society. 

There will be trials, abuses, tragedies, horrors; terrible things will happen in every nation. But one must not lose hope in their nations capacity to do great things! Hope must not be lost in humanity's capability to bring to pass great things. 

Those who believe in a higher power should not abandon their faith because of calamities of the day. Faith in God, in goodness, in each other is needed now more than ever. 

Hope must not be lost. 

The future will bring brighter days. 

Do not divide

Do not abandon

Do not leave 

Do not forsake

Do not hate

Do not ridicule 

Do not belittle

Do not step on

                         each other...

Problem, problem

At a park on a bench in the afternoon sun, reading an inspirational book about leadership. I am soaking in the rich and much wanted warmth from the captain of our solar system. I am finding peace in the soft conversation and laughter from the group of Romas playing cards nearby. I smile at the little boy playing with a strangers bicycle. I am planning how I can become a better leader in my life as I draw from the inspiring content of my book, planning the legacy I wish to leave. It is an extremely blissful and peaceful afternoon.

I notice a shadow that blocks the sun from me. I look up to see a man with a long and gray beard speaking to me in Albanian. I understand only that he is asking me what religion I am from. I tell him I am Mormon, but clearly he doesn't know what that is. 

"Anglisht?" he asks.

"Po," I respond.

"Where you from?"

"Amerika."

"I am sorry. I have problem.."

He proceeds to explain to me, in his extremely broken English, that he has gone to many Churches but they have all turned him away. He is on dialysis, he shows me his bag of urine. He slowly sits down next to me and explains he needs 350 Lek for a ticket to get home. The doctors turned him away.

"Problem, problem"

I reach in every pocket, hoping that miraculously money would appear. 

It doesn't. I left it home because I didn't plan to be purchasing anything as it was Sunday.

"Problem, ...problem"

I sit back down, and swallow slowly, anticipating my own response to his need. I then join the group of those who had previously rejected him.

"I am sorry, I have no money."

"Problem, problem"

He closes his eyes, tears start to form as he weeps quietly, and slowly gets up.

"Problem... problem, no problem. Thank you."

As he walks away I see myself. I shrink to the size of the coins I wish I carried in my pocket. I groan inside wishing I would have chosen to bring my wallet. My soul reaches out to him, but I can't reach as he is now a haunting memory. 

"Next time I will be ready." I tell myself.

There is the fear of never having that next time to help someone in need.

"If ye have, give to those in need. If ye have not, let it be in thy heart that ye would have given if ye would have had that which to give."

   

Durrës

I went to Durrës, a coastal city to the southwest, where my boss lives. He had us check out the mosque and then the amphitheater. The mosque is way bigger than the Et’hem Bey Mosque in Tirana.

I went in, slipped off my shoes, and treaded onto the carpeted floor, down the steps into the main room. I found a spot in the back and sat down. As I stared at the other men, I noticed rest. Many came in and sat down like me and pondered. Many older men wobbled down the steps, found a spot against the wall, helped themselves down and let out sighs of relief from whatever they were carrying in life. The Imam began to speak and give a sermon. I had my own moment, pondering, and I thought to myself, “I love this place.” I offered my own prayer for guidance in direction in my path in life. I felt so much peace and wonder just sitting there in a place I felt was close to God.

There is an amphitheater there that was constructed in the early 2^nd century A.D. It was discovered in 1966. They held gladiatorial games and theatrical performances seating up to 18000 spectators. It was later turned into a church. It has ancient mosaics that are surprisingly well preserved. We gave a Book of Mormon to a man at the entrance who asked about us and we wound up on the topic of Religion. 

Our boss took us to another small city called Fier. Throughout the travel we spoke of our research proposals he is helping us write. I realized that I am a poor writer. I also feel I have not received a lot of opportunities to write proposals and research papers in college. I wrote a lot of essays, short dinky little things that students do in like an hour. I wrote one actual research essay in English 102, and then in my study abroad in Mexico I had two big research papers to write. Now I am having a hard time. I wish I had written more. I am grateful to my boss, for his generosity t help me write better; prepare me for my Master’s. We spoke of politics on the drive back. I was fascinated by the story of his education. I learned to always say “yes” to opportunities in college, like this opportunity. Later, as we were talking politics I realized I am possibly a middle-left Democrat as opposed to a Republican. I share many values with the conservative side, but I think like a liberal. I am not quite sure.

It was an enriching experience in which I was able to have some true reflection. My boss is a great leader, and is truly helping me live to my potential. He is patient and encouraging. Most importantly, he doesn’t give me the answers and he won’t tell me what to do, he pushes me to figure it out on my own. I am very grateful I took this internship.